


Dark Lake

by sunlitflowers



Series: Movie AU Series [4]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Accidental Drug Use, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Pill popping, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Sexual Harassment, Social Anxiety, ballerina au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-19 22:25:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7379851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunlitflowers/pseuds/sunlitflowers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>August Booth has written a beautiful new ballet that requires a new lead.</p><p>Belle French has been wishing for something like this her entire life. She's studied, educated, and well poised and perfect for the role of the White Lady. Lacey Omorfia, however, is the human embodiment of the Dark Maid and is willing to do anything to obtain the roll of both for herself.</p><p>based off of Black Swan (movie)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dark Dreams

A bright white spotlight cut through the darkness similar to a cookie cutter on a baking sheet. In its warmth, Belle French wearing a white dress appeared like dust collecting. The light illuminated off her fair skin. She felt beautiful as she spun on pointe, a smile on her face. This was the only moment in her entire life she could be so carefree. Suddenly, worry crept and replaced the loving embrace of light with numbing cold. Someone was watching. She looked into the darkness and began scurrying towards the black in search. What was the point of having a light in the dark if one wasn’t going to shine it on everything? But she can’t find anything. Belle paused, perhaps it was just a wily imagination. 

All of a sudden a man emerged behind her as if that’s where he’d kept hidden. Belle smiled. The costume and production designer for her company was always kind to her. He would keep her safe in these moments. She walked towers him, arms extended with intentions of holding him close as she always wished. However, something changed. His eyes grew amber, his skin changed texture. He was sinister looking and frightened her. He extended a hand in her direction. Suddenly, she began hearing voices within her head that she would never be good enough for this. She wanted to scream, but nothing came out. She could feel bugs crawling all over her skin and she began panicking, pulling at her hair to try and stop it. It’s too late. She’s morphing into something aside from herself.

Belle awoke and lied in bed thinking about her dream. Her father, Moe, opened the door to wake her up for the day to see her already awoke. She smiled softly at him and sat up to hang her corn covered, broken blistered, bunion feet off the bed. She walked on her toes over to the bar to begin her stretches for her free time. She had been pursuing ballet for years after finding the dancing professionally artistic. She read every book she could get her hands on, her father built her a studio in the bedroom to help her practice, and she entered into a dance company just three years ago after turning eighteen. There were going to be auditions for a new ballet written by local author August Booth. She needed every single moment to be correct and perfect even in practice.

“I had the most amazing dream.” Belle called to her father. “I was the lead.” She said this mostly to herself. She paused her routine in order to go to her breakfast of pineapple slices. Moe was busying himself doing dishes, but this time was a little more intent on listening.

“Madame Cora promised to feature me more this season.” She spoke highly of the woman who had been training her for so long.

“Well, you know I believe in you.” Moe turned then to look at his daughter, the spitting image of her mother no doubt. Except for a deep scratch right by her scalp. “What is that?” 

Belle raised up one of Moe’s vases and searched for the place he’d pointed out on himself. She relaxed seeing that it wasn’t a blemish that would mess up her audition and just shrugged. Moe gave her a doubting look, but let it go. She stood, grabbed her sweatshirt from the coat rack, and slipped it onto herself. She hugged and kissed her father goodbye. He hadn’t listened to her talk about the dream in which she went crazy, she wouldn’t tell him now. It probably happened in her sleep anyway. When she was younger, to see if shew as dreaming, she would bite the inside of her cheeks. Pain meant awake. Numbness meant dreaming. Then she could control the dream. Countless mornings she woke up with whelps where she’d bit so hard so often. There were more important things for her to figure out and get together today.

She took a taxi to ride through the crowded city over to her company. She stared out the window going over steps for her audition in her head and contingency plans if this moved didn’t work or that one spun her too much. Belle had almost dozed off when the car suddenly stopped at an almost run red light. She jolted up and fixed her stature to continue looking out the window. They were parked next to another car. In the backseat was a ballerina bopping her head to music playing through her little player. Belle watched her with curious intent and tucked a piece of her behind her ears. At the same moment, the ballerina did as well. Belle lowered her arm, the ballerina did as well. Belle couldn’t quite see exactly, but she swore the ballerina was identical to her from this angle. Arriving to her destination, Belle exited the cab. She turned to see the ballerina, but the other car has gone. 

Arriving at the theater there were a few others already making their way towards the entrance. Ruby and Dorothy were arm and arm like they were just best friends, Mulan and Aurora following closely behind, with Ashley Boyd ending the line. They, along with Belle, had always been chorus to Regina Mills’s leading lady. Her being Cora’s daughter had helped immensely, but this was her last season. She was just coming by now to help make the transition from her to the next lead easier for whoever took it. That didn’t stop her devoted fans from assembling around her, begging for an autograph that would now be worth hundreds of dollars more. A few of them looked at her, but only to ask their friends who she was. A little hurt and offended, Belle pushed passed and entered into the theater. 

Ruby and Dorothy were discussing talk of a new girl while they all were getting ready. They thought this was going to be Regina’s replacement which only cut Belle deeper. It didn’t matter what kind of background this new person came in with. Nobody in any company had worked so hard to earn this lead. Aurora grew worried about this person as well, but Mulan quickly assured her that no one could take Phillip’s eyes from her. That made Belle smile, at least a little. She wished she could have someone to perform for. She also wished that she would be performing in Europe where ballet was more monetary and a company was going broke every other week. The only thing that had saved this one was the new production/costume designer coming in to work out what they owed him in rent. She hoped maybe this season she could dance for him, but didn’t find it likely. He’d never come around before. 

“Soloists?” The new girl stood at the doorway. She was a stark contrast to everyone else. Even here, Ruby was tame with her appearance. The ballerina had her hair down, dark makeup, revealing clothes instead of sweaters and leg warmers like the rest of them. The company, nervous even more now, nodded. She saw the looks she got as she sashayed her way into an empty seat right next to Belle. 

“Back, back, plie. Fourth, fourth, and one and fifth, to the back. Push it! You’re not working hard enough!” Cora yelled when they were all in the rehearsal space. Belle’s intense concentration was snapped into surprise at the ballet mistress’s escalating voice.

“Belle, relax. Let it flow.” Belle nodded and began trying it, knowing it would never work. 

Around her, corps members and other ballerinas began dressing down into their more revealing clothing. August Booth had entered the room following by the Gaston, the physical therapist there for emergencies, and Carlyle Gold. A few more dancers removed their warm-up gear to show off. The three men walked around the room. Flirty smiles and low cast glances were tossed their way. Mr Gold walked up to the ballet mistress and kissed her hand. Belle had never seen her cast a smile until then. 

“Let’s let the story inspire your movements.” August began while winding through the dancers. “Virginal, young princess, pure and sweet trapped in a marriage to a person more monster than man. Desperate for love, the only thing that he will not give her.” 

As he spoke, he walked around and tapped dancers on the shoulder. They light up as Carlyle Gold writes their names, given by Cora, on a board. 

“Then suddenly, luck for her, they begin to bond over a little red rose growing in their dead and dying garden. A symbol of their possible love for each other.”

August neared Belle. She looked at him eager and hopeful.

“Poor White Lady.” August commented with a small nod and a smile. He walked on without tapping her shoulder. “Life is never that simple for love, is it? To focus on her wife duties, she hires a Dark Maid that seduces him. Lust conquers love as he falls for the maid.”

August approached the new ballerina. Belle watched, threatened, but he doesn’t tap her either. “Devastated and driven insane with voices in her head, the White Lady leaps off the balcony, killing herself. In death, without him, she is finally free.”


	2. Dark Practice

“Good morning.” August officially started what his arrival at the company’s rehearsal was about. The response returning the same greeting was nervous voices. All except the new girl.

“We open our season with a show I’ve written. No Nutcrackers, no Swan Lake, nothing traditional. With a new show, we need a fresh face to present it to the world.” August returned back to the front of the room. “All of the soloists I’ve touched please go to your classes this afternoon. The four I didn’t, meet me in studio C at five.” 

Belle exhaled realizing the girls he didn’t tap are the ones he, the writer, personally selected. Herself, Ruby, Aurora and the new girl. Belle rushed over to hug her dear friend congratulations and offer a voice of sympathy towards the rest of their group. Dorothy was just overjoyed for her girlfriend, Mulan hadn’t wanted a lead anyway, but Ashley was a little torn up. They promised to go out for drinks soon anyway and celebrate or get rid of their troubles anyway. The four chosen ones then split apart to go their separate ways of practicing and personal rehearsals before five that afternoon. Belle went away to call her father, one of four numbers on her phone. It went straight to voice mail, so she just hung up and smiled to herself. A loud bang kept her from daydreaming too much.

She walked out into the hall to see the door to the principal dressing room, Regina’s, open halfway. Inside she noticed no one in there, but the room completely trashed. Belle looked to make sure she was all alone then entered. It was definitely larger than the soloists’ room and far more comfortable. A small love seat and a wardrobe closet were included with pictures of Regina on the mirror and wall. Belle looked at herself in the mirror and smiled, imagining how wonderful it would be. A large vase was smashed on the floor, the flowers were shredded and water was everywhere. She carefully stepped over the broken glass going to the makeup counter. It was all so high priced and first class stuff. Belle would have to quit dancing for months just to buy the tube of lipstick. She picked it up and opened it, thinking that Regina wouldn’t miss it…but stopped herself. She was better than that. When she got the leading role of heartbroken White Lady, she would buy all the lipstick in the world. Which meant back to rehearsals with the three other contenders.

Belle began her audition using the choreography for the White Lady Suite, her theme song when she realized she could love her husband. A frightened look appeared on her face upon seeing August speaking with Mr Gold at the corner of her eye. She didn’t fear for her moves. They were precise, but she hoped to show her vulnerability of her fear painted with melancholy. Exactly as she believed the White Lady should be. August halted the pianist and Belle stopped on a dime. 

“That was brilliant. If we were continuing having the White Lady and Dark Maid played by two different dancers, you’d definitely get the White Lady.” Belle’s flattering emotions at the compliment was ripped by what else he had said. “Pianist, Dark Maid’s Job.” 

Petrified at what August was insinuating, Belle glanced to Ruby and Aurora who were just waiting their turn. She took a few breaths then looked towards the piano player and nodded. The music started and she did as well. This was the moment where climax moment when the Dark Maid seduced the Broken Husband with her body. Something Belle had never actually done before. This was also the most difficult part of the the ballet consisting of thirty two consecutive spins. August yelled at her to lose control and let it out while the music built intensely. Belle pushed herself into the next turn. August swore for her to entrance nobody but her audience and the world. He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. Belle stopped as the door burst open and the new ballerina entered the room.

“Finally. Girls, this is Lacey. Warm up, we haven’t all day.” Gold introduced to the rest of them as Lacey waved. 

“I’m good.” She explained while stripping down out of her layers.

“Thank you, Ms French.” Gold continued looking at his clipboard. His voice was overshadowed by August asking for Aurora’s White Lady dance. 

Completely hurt and furious with herself for not being perfect enough, Belle marched out of the room. She began pacing up and down the halls trying to figure out how to be better at this. What books she could read. What she could do. August’s voice congratulating Aurora on a job well done was driving her mad. She peeked in to watch Lacey’s audition to the Dark Maid. Belle wasn’t an egomaniac by any means. She could do something the exact same way as someone else and find even the minuscule differences. There were none between her and Lacey’s dance. Maybe she was a little strained herself, but it was precise. She watched with seething anger and jealousy as August praised her performance and Gold watched every last detail of the spins. She didn’t know if the building music was the pianist or her own accumulating insanity. As dancers giggled down the hall coming towards her way, Belle bit back the furiousness in her gut and stormed outside to go home.

That night on her way home, Belle hugged her jacket close to her, ignoring the cell phone ringing constantly in her hand. Every one was from Moe. She didn’t want to have a breakdown out here. She took a detour after getting no cabs into a passageway. The lights kept flickering and her heels clicked behind her. Another set of footsteps intercepted hers. She stops and they stop. She started walking and the other does as well. Looking up from her feet, a slender woman was there like a ghost. As they pass each other, Belle discovers the woman looks exactly like her. The moment passes and the other continues walking. Too scared to ignore the next call, Belle answers it.

“I’m sorry, papa, the signal is really bad here-”

“Ms French, it’s me. Mr Gold.” If she wasn’t so frightened she might be relieved. “I called to talk about your audition.” Her chest dropped to her stomach. These calls were always either shooting to stardom, or telling her to give it up.

“In a good way or bad way?” 

“In a confidante way. How are you feeling? You sound quite disturbed.” Belle looked around for that woman and saw she was all alone.

“I completely messed it up.”

“Then you try again. Do you understand? Practice, dearie.”

“Makes perfect.”

“Exactly. Are you home yet?” Excitement that he might invite her somewhere made her belly a sea and her heart a buoy. Right back to the top.

“No?” 

“I’ll stay on the phone with you until you are.” 

“Thank you, Mr Gold.” 

That night, Belle was home alone. She pulled on a pair of point shoes and secured them before stretching. She takes a breath and does a single spin. Then another, then a double and a triple. Each spin was documented by a sharp jab of her foot on the floor. Harder and harder until she nearly fell over from pain. She leaned back against her vanity to see blood oozing through the shoe. Practice makes perfect. Practice makes perfect. Belle breathed through the pain and resumed her work. She winced at the pain with every single thwack, but she kept pushing. Practice makes perfect. Twenty spins. Practice makes perfect. Twenty five spins. Practice makes perfect. Thirty spins. Practice makes perfect. Thirty one spins. Practice makes perfect. She’s done it. She hobbled into the bathroom to look at herself glazed over in sweat with a smile of pure happiness of perfection.

That night while doctoring her split toenail, Belle called Gold. It wasn’t too late and he answered on the second ring. She just wanted to tell somebody of her success. He congratulated her on the accomplishment, stating that he knew she could do it. Belle smiled to herself and was so close to confessing her emotions for him when she heard a little laugh coming from his end. He swore he had nobody over and was alone (and single) when she apologized for interrupting him and his wife or girlfriend’s sleep. The laughter only got louder and began mocking her words in a shrill high pitched voice. Humiliated and embarrassed, Belle hung up the phone. She rolled onto her side just as Moe busted the unlocked door down and stumbled into the apartment. She winced hearing a female’s voice trailing along behind him. She reached for her music player and inserted her ear buds to block out them, Gold, everything.


	3. Dark Silence

The one night stand rule was that Belle got to keep anything the dates left over. She’d gotten a few tops, a pair of heels, a tight skirt, none of which she could ever see herself wearing. When she went into the bathroom the next morning, the latest poor girl had left an entire makeup bag. All of it was the cheap stuff, nothing like Regina’s, but she hadn’t had any of it before. Belle fished through the fair game and found a tube of plum purple lipstick. She applied it several times before finding a way to do so that would look natural as could be. She didn’t want to mess with any of the other and made a note to have Ruby teach her at some point. They all needed to hang out anyway. When she thought about if Gold like the color, she immediately wiped it off remembering the phone call to him last night. Him checking on her had just been his way of being courteous and nothing more. He probably called all of the girls August humiliated yesterday. 

Belle made the affirmative decision to speak with Mr Booth when she went into the studio. He had to know of her perfecting the spins. Perhaps then it would prove that she had what it would take. It would show she was willing to go the extra mile, to do absolutely anything for this role. Nobody deserved it more than she did. As she stood outside the theater, she went over what she was going to say, and pushed in. She walked towards his office and suddenly stopped. She thought maybe this wasn’t truly the best of ideas. 

“Belle? What are you doing here so early?” Gaston approached with a sly grin across his face.

“I need to speak with Mr Booth. Is he in yet?” 

“Oh, no. I’m afraid not. But you know, me and him? We’re best friends. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?” Gaston stepped closer putting minimal personal space between them.

“I perfected the spins. Could you tell him?”

“Sweetheart, I could tell him anything you want. Even that you deserve this so much more than the one he’s already given it to.” He placed a hand right by her head on the wall and leaned in nearer. Her disappoint only matched by intimidation of his warm breath coasting down her neck.

“What did I do wrong?” 

“It’s a hard-knock life, princess. I could make it so easy for you, though.” He pressed her first kiss to her mouth. It lasts for just a second before she pulled back and ran out of the door.

The company began stretching and going through their warm-up routine. Tension was all around and inside of her. Someone else had gotten the part and she was trying her hardest to accept her fate. Ruby could go for both roles as she could be just as sexy as she was sweet. Aurora would be good for the White Swan, but Belle didn’t know her that well. Lacey had been getting all of the praise lately for doing both. None of them, Belle thought with more animosity than she should, were as perfect than herself. She had been here the longest, worked herself harder, done every single thing right the first time. Except for that audition. If Lacey hadn’t come in then things would have gone the way she wanted. No. August had seen her mess up once and couldn’t handle it. 

A sudden light of energy swept the room and she heard murmurers of Cora posting the list. They all exited into the hallway, leaving Belle in the deserted space. She finished warming up, grabbed her stuff, and walked out. She didn’t want to even look. Three years of being in the kick line gone to waist. A promise that things were going to change and she was going to get featured more were all a lie. Practice was meant to make perfect, but it didn’t get her there. People were still in the way that she wished she could get rid of. Namely Lacey. Hell, if Ruby or Aurora got it she could at least be happy for them. That new girl just swept in like she owned the place and took over everything. Belle’s seething was stopped seeing Mr Gold coming out of his office. She wanted to avoid his gaze altogether and just go home to sulk, but he extended his cane to stop her.

“Congratulations, Ms French. I’ll need you to come see me immediately for the fitting of your costume.” He smiled at her as though he couldn’t even be more proud of his own child. Belle shrugged. Maybe she got an understudy which was twice as pathetic and twice as worse.

Then Ruby and Aurora showed up to hug and congratulate her followed by Mulan and Ashley and Dorothy. She looked to see Lacey nowhere and it clicked together. She had done it. They all made plans to actually celebrate with Belle this time as opposed to the other day when they’d gotten picked. When they had gone, she looked to thank Mr Gold for his advice. Instead she was all alone once more. As much as that should disappoint or upset her, it didn’t. She ran into the theater bathroom and into one of the stalls. She locked it for privacy and then dialed the number on her phone.

“Every thing’s fine, he picked me, papa!” Belle hadn’t waited to hear the other voice and found she’d just gotten the answering machine again. “I’m going to be the lead.” 

She began crying as the silence on the other end, the silence in the bathroom, the silence in her head, became quite overbearing. She clicked off the phone and walked out of the stall. She had dreamed of this for so long that no matter what kind of congratulations she received wasn’t going to be enough, but it wasn’t meant to be like this. She rubbed her eyes and began to develop a fear that even perfection wasn’t going to be enough. Then she saw the mirror. SLUT! was written across it in plump purple lipstick. She looked around the bathroom to make absolutely sure that she was alone before taking a paper towel and smearing the mirror with purple streaks as she tried to clean it off. That clicked off a realization for her. She had never talked to August about her accomplishment for him to change things. Gaston had tried using her vulnerability to get something which was already meant to happen. 

Belle rushed home that night to shower off Gaston’s chaste kiss. That wasn’t how she pictured her first one, either. She scrubbed and scrubbed again until she’d washed her hair four times and her body six. Another thought was bestowed upon her. Now she had to be perfect at every last rehearsal. No mistakes. Only one could end her carer. She suddenly felt bugs crawling all over her skin. Getting out of the shower, she kept scratching and scratching until she could see red splotching dots decorating her shoulders, neck, and collarbone where she dug so hard. In the mirror it almost looked like they were bleeding. She quickly wrapped a robe around her shoulders and exited the bathroom. The air cooled her down, but made the marks on her body sting with new contact. In a panic out of not knowing when her friends were going to show up for them to go out, she quickly applied makeup to the area first before getting dressed. 

Coming out of the bathroom in her own skirt and top, Moe was there with a giant teddy bear wearing a tutu sitting on the kitchen table. Belle didn’t hate the bear. Just the fact that her father continuously treated her as though she were a child that needed gifts like this when they had a flower shop downstairs he was trying to run. Seeing his daughter’s uncomforted, Moe took the bear and walked down the hallway where he placed it on Belle’s bed at the center of the pillows. Moe stood back in admiration.

“Why don’t we put her with all the others?” 

“You don’t want to sleep with her.” Belle’s flinching at the question was enough. “Fine. See if I do any fucking thing more for you. Ungrateful-” 

Whatever he was about to call her was cut off by their call box buzzing.

“Down in a moment, Ruby.” Belle answered.

“Wrong again, dearie. I’ve been given permission to see you instead.” Gold’s voice came through. Belle thanked her lucky stars her father was not in earshot. 

“Your girlfriend won’t mind?”

“I’ll tell you one more time. There was. No woman. Hasn’t been for as long as you’ve been alive.” She didn’t know how or why, but that was more comforting. She knew she had heard laughing and mocking on the other end that night. Of course, she was terrified and injured. Maybe that had something to do with it. It had yet to hinder her crush on him anyway. “Come on before I change my mind.”


	4. Dark Minds

Belle dusted off her skirt as she stood in the stairwell to make sure everything was right with her outfit. She hadn’t changed out of what she had planned on wearing to be with Ruby tonight due to her not wanting Mr Gold to keep waiting. She pushed her hair back behind the shoulders, took a deep breath, and made sure she had everything needed. No matter where they were going she wouldn’t let him pay for everything. She opened the door and her heart stopped seeing him standing there looking only a little annoyed. Mr Gold always dressed with the finest craftsmanship he designed and stitched himself. He was barely taller than her, but his pants made his legs look longer. The jacket on him made his arms appear strong somehow. Like he could wrap her up in them and shield her from everything. That wasn’t too far off from what she wanted. His eyes as he glanced around searching for her were kind despite the scowl. 

“What took you so long?” 

“I apologize.” She was sincere due to making him stand outside alone. “I didn’t know if what I was wearing with Ruby would be appropriate with you.” 

“I genuinely could not have cared less.” Belle studied him trying to figure how to take that. She followed behind with the same curious gaze as they walked to a black Cadillac.

“This car is beautiful.” 

“As are you.” Belle looked to him to see if she had heard correctly. He was preoccupied walking around to the driver’s side after opening her door. She quickly slipped in and buckled. He drove to a part of town she wasn’t allowed to go.

“Mr Gold? Where are we going?” They were passing seedy nightclub after dive bar after burlesque lounge.

“I wish to show you something that might help your transition into the Dark Maid.” She visibly deflated and turned her gaze out the window wondering if she’d ever be free as the birds on the power lines. As they hit one of several red lights she didn’t notice him looking at her.

They pulled up to a rundown theater where, once upon a time, there had been the best burlesque show in the United States. People came from all over to their little town to watch at forty-five bucks a head all ages Monday through Friday. Thirty five on the weekends for eighteen and over. Saturday drinks were included and they rarely carded. Everybody that had gone through any dance company knew about the place. Those that weren’t people like Belle had even studied their more scandalously taboo moves. Over the years, people in her dance company even went on to work there before it closed down. The place had been bought out last season when their lead dancer mysteriously died and put a damper of an atmosphere. Without her, the show was gone. No show meant no entertainment. That was the end of that. Knowing all of this, Belle felt a twinge of fear hearing music blaring from the busted windows. She looked towards Gold whose smile matched his eyes. He offered his arm. A little fearful of denying him anything she took it.

They walked up the cracked stairs where red carpet had once covered it, making guests feel like movie stars on the way tithe premier. Belle looked around in worry they might get caught. He pulled her along in his way of asking for help pushing the heavy French doors open. Inside the dilapidated building she noticed a wall having been either blown or collapsed out. This left open floor between the showroom and the foyer. A group of about sixty were dancing in sync on stage with a singular diva doing her own movements at the center of all the tango moves. She was completely enraptured by the movements. There was no spotlight, but this dancer didn’t need one. Even Belle wanted to run up and kiss her. The room suddenly became stuffy, but she refrained from fanning herself to not embarrass Mr Gold. She looked over to see him watched as well, but not nearly as infatuated as his sweltering accompaniment. Belle turned her gaze away from his the moment he faced her with a smirk. 

“Imprecise, but sensual. She’s not faking anything.” Belle watched as the prima donna of ballet made a small mistake, but began laughing. She clapped her hands and everyone stopped. 

“It’s perfect.” 

“Miss Mills wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

“I knew no one else could move like her.”

“None other than you, dearie.” Another comment she didn’t know if it were a compliment or not. They wouldn’t have replaced Regina if the woman hadn’t wanted it. 

“I’ve always wanted to appear so regal. She looks like a Queen.” 

“Then what does that make her successor?” Belle finally let her confusion show on her face. Gold leaned forward right by her ear. Her eyes closed smelling his aftershave and cologne. She wanted to kiss him more than anything else and run her fingers through his hair to see if it was as soft as it looked. “Our princess.”

“Oh.” Was all she managed to emit from her vocal chords. He had drawn back just enough so they could see each other’s face. “An-and who might the prince be then?”

“Let me tell you a little secret on that. Regina isn’t dancing for Emma when she performs that kind of pain.” 

“Is there another?” She had never heard of Regina being with anybody else before, after or during Emma. They even had a little one together by sperm donation of Neal Cassidy.

“Nothing like that. A love gone too soon.” Belle’s heartache of empathy made cause for her to place her head on Gold’s shoulder. He wasn’t tense at all from the contact. “Do you feel that? That’s what she dances with.”

“Lacey, too?” 

“Are you jealous of Ms Omorfia?” Belle flushed at the outright question and looked down at their feet. Her delay and timid shift gave her away. “Let’s go. I’m starving.”

Their drive in mostly silence out of deep, dark downtown was more out of her thinking than awkward nerves as it had been before. Gold hit a red light, the same one he had coming in, and reached over for her hand as she looked out the window. Belle froze. She didn’t know what to do, if it was an accident, or what. The feeling that she might throw up entered her belly as a worse thought than anything else entered her mind. Gaston’s kiss. Maybe everyone had heard about it and that was the reason for the word on the mirror. That was the reason Gold was here with her. Why he wanted her to become more open and showing her Regina’s secret dance troupe. She suddenly felt like she was breathing too much and too loud. He would notice and ask her what was wrong and she very well couldn’t explain what was going on without him pursuing that she would give him what she hardly gave Gaston. She adored Mr Gold, but didn’t want things to happen this way. She began fiddling with her hands, wringing her fingers, twirling her ring. Despite the sound of her breathing in and out being too loud, none of it felt like it was really entering and leaving her lungs. She wanted to cry.

“Stop the car.” Her voice was barely above a whisper and they were in the middle of going up Main Street, but he immediately obeyed. Belle struggled in opening her door until he unlocked it. He was asking to talk about this, but she wasn’t listening. He followed her out.

“Belle, stop.” He called under his voice. Obedient to the very end, Belle stopped. She remained very still as he hurried forward on his cane and placed a hand on her shoulder. She turned around with tears brimming in her eyes. “Belle…?”

“I don’t know what Gaston told you, but I can’t do things like that.” 

“I don’t speak with that pea brain. What has he done to you?” 

“I thought everyone knew. I thought that was why…” 

So she had gotten this on her own merits. That should be easing, but it wasn’t. Gold stepped forward and placed his hands on her arms. There was no anger on his face. Just concern. As she spilled everything that had happened from the split toe nail doing practice makes perfect up into the fears of going out with Ruby and getting her father angry with him. Gold’s own features morphed from worrying about her mental health (thinking her getting lead was too much, she reckoned) into forcing himself to hide his burning madness. To help, he drew her in against his chest and hugged her.

“I would never take your hard work for granted. I did vouch for you because I believe in your talent, but I don’t carry that much weight with August.” He was saying this with gritted teeth, but it didn’t frighten her. 

“I’m sorry for running out.” She muttered against his shoulder.

“It’s quite alright. If anything more like this happens tell me immediately. I will take care of everything.” He pushed her hand away to wipe her cheeks. 

“I think you might just be my prince, Mr Gold.” 

“Permission to prove you completely wrong tomorrow evening? There’s a fundraiser gala and I want to show off the star before anyone else.” Gold was still gripping tight to her sleeve. She, with all the bravery in her, raised a hand to touch his cheek. His hold on her clothes lessened. She smiled and searched his eyes.

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”


	5. Dark Likeness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's mention of a lot of blood loss. if that triggers you (or makes you nauseous as it does me):
> 
> skip the part where it says "Belle was polite as she had ever been shaking hands" 
> 
> and start back when it says "Come on, it's no fun out here without you."
> 
> you won't be missing much. stay safe guys.

Not allowed to go to parties, Ruby covered for Belle to allow the new leading ballerina time to change and get ready for the fundraiser. They talked about the outing with her omitting the freak out over daring to think Gold would treat her as Gaston had. They instead talked about the stress and anxiety that everything was building up to for them both. They talked about never seeing Lacey outside the practice room and how she always showed up to steal the spotlight and attention just when Belle was perfecting her own moves. Ruby claimed she’d hardly noticed anything different and promised that Belle deserved this. Also that Mulan agreed, which Belle had been worried about. Their and Gold’s support meant so much. If only she could convince August or those angry with her the same.

Belle arrived at the venue with invitation clutched in hand and Ruby at her side. She wore a well-fitting white dress with quarter sleeves and a square neckline that wouldn’t reveal too much. She’d borrowed Ruby’s white heels (actually Dorothy’s, but they’d been claimed) and let her friend do the makeup and hair. Seeing her girlfriend talking with a few other dancers by the bar and Gold walking forward, Ruby gave Belle’s arm a squeeze of encouragement before disappearing. Belle walked down the steps from the landing entrance to meet him halfway. He took her hands in his and kissed her cheeks before offering his arm. She took it with great warmth in her heart that he put all over her body. He escorted her towards the center of the room where August was preparing to give a speech. Lacey giving him a long good luck kiss.

He began by thanking the familiar faces that arrived and gave a generous contributing to the arts. It went to his heart and he was truly grateful. He then talked about Regina’s last few seasons that left her audience enchanted, sometimes devastated, by the true artist of their company. She apparently had been an inspiration to his writing for a long time. He called her a role model to the dancers. He then went on to talk about her career ending and how she would be giving her final performance much later this season in the role that originated both of their careers. People began whispering, but Belle only saw it in her hand. She began fidgeting with Gold’s cuff. August called Regina his princess the same time Gold called Belle his. After a moment of her skin running cold, August said her name. Tense applause replaced the whispers, but not the mummers. Belle stepped forward. 

“Soon you will have the pleasure of seeing Belle perform. Tonight we raise a glass to our perfected beauty!” August downed his drink and the crowd followed suit. Gold reached and pulled Belle back into his arms. She turned and leaned into him for protection.

“You’re doing fine.” Gold promised into her hair as she grappled onto him. “Let me introduce you to your sponsors.”

Belle was polite as she had ever been shaking hands and greeting people as though they were great friends she hadn’t seen in a long time. She was about to with another husband and wife when she withdrew seeing her nail split and bleeding. She nervously pulled her hand away from meeting the new people, but Gold just gloated on how beautiful and perfect she was. He claimed he couldn’t wait to see her twirling around in his costumes spun from gold for her. She was holding tight to her finger as a pool of blood started seeping between her fingers. Thankfully, nobody seemed to notice a thing. She excused herself from Gold’s prideful hold to make her way towards the lavatory. She needed to clean this and bandage it before someone thought she was too injured from carelessness to perform. They would give it to that Lacey girl and her perfect hands and perfect feet and perfect figure. None of which Belle believed were out of practice. 

A trail of dark fresh blood followed behind with every step. Feeling much like a shy young girl who wore white pants the first day of her period, Belle tucked into the bathroom and locked it behind her. It was gushing all over her hands, dripping to pool. Turning her white heels into a dark crimson that almost seemed to shine against the dim bathroom light. The party on the other side grew louder and more vibrant. She felt a little like they were celebrating her having gone. The music escalated above and beyond any volume she’d ever heard before. It took her a long moment to realize that the pounding in her head matched that of the one on the door.

“Come on, it’s no fun out here without you.” Lacey’s voice called on the other side. The music got quieter, as if just for her. “Gaston’s looking good tonight. Are you still hooking up with him?” 

“I’m not hooked up with anybody. I don’t think you should be either.” Belle tried to warn her. Regardless of their one-sided rivalry, Gaston was bad news.

“At least you didn’t suck his dick for this role.” Belle swore Lacey’s voice was right there by her ear.

“You didn’t either.” That was too scandalous to just say amongst a large party like this.

“How do you know that?”

The voice almost sounded like a threat. Belle shook her head and ran the water. She put her finger under the tap and found nothing but a thin little hangnail. Her shoes were still white. The floor was still polished clean. She started feeling the same thing she did when she thought Gold wanted something he hadn’t. Belle took a deep breath to calm down. She thought of her mother’s words, that everything was going to be okay. There was no need to freak out. Freak. She was just a freak. That’s why daddy didn’t stay around. That’s why-

“Belle? Sweetheart, open the door.” Gold was now there. Terrified and needing her guardian angel that never thought her strange, she turned the water off and hurried out of the bathroom. 

“I thought I was bleeding. It was everywhere.” 

“I’m sure one of the girls has a tampon in their bag-”

“No, no.” Belle flushed at the very thought of discussing that with him. “On my finger. I thought…” too crazy, Belle French. “It was just a hangnail. I over reacted.” 

Gold took her non-injured finger and kissed the nail. “They hurt, I understand. The important thing is if you’re hurting?”

“Not anymore. I actually talked to Lacey. She may not be so bad as I thought.” Belle wedged her arms around him. He freely opened held her close and rubbed her back. He noticed Lacey was nowhere to be found.

Gold kept Belle close away from people and against him. She rested her head on his chest and brushed her thumb against the lapels of his jacket. She thought too often, more now that they’d been spending time in private, about pulling him closer by them. There were no thoughts of anything else aside from him when they were together. He was like a human dosage of a pill that cleaned her mind free of all the bad things. No Lacey, no rehearsals, no feet injuries, no scary moments. He was kind to her. He looked at her with such concern and maybe a little bit of love. Things had never been good for her, none other than Ruby and Mulan after the accident took her mother. Of course, the moment she started thinking about that, the moment fear started its internal attack on her body to bring her down. Gold must have sensed this. He pressed a hand into her back and dipped just slightly to kiss her cheek. She didn’t know how to say she didn’t want to go home that night. Towards the end of the party, all he did was offer to drive her.

Belle waited on the sidewalk while Gold fetched the car. Ruby and Dorothy walked out laughing and giggling, both of them hugging and asking if she was alright. Assuring that she was to them and then again to Mulan, they went on to their homes. Ashley reminded her the importance of getting home on time tonight. They all must know Moe’s reaction to her being a moment late or out at all. Else they wouldn’t talk to her. She hugged herself to try and calm the warming stone in her stomach. The same feeling was there when Gold held her, but this was stronger. This threatened to burn her out if she made the wrong move standing out here. She could be killed or attacked if the wrong person walked up and found she was all by her lonesome. This feeling was pushed to its limits when Gaston LeGume stumbled out of the party with a bottle of something stronger than his cologne. He took one look at her and grinned like the devil incarnate.

She turned on her heel to walk down a little ways in hopes he would just give up. Then, she saw someone about her size and height walking as well. She figured she could rush and catch up with them so she wouldn’t be so vulnerable and resemble a mobile bullseye for Gaston. The more she walked so did the other shadow like girl. Quick and nimble on her feet she was heading towards a street lamp. Belle looked over her shoulder to see Gaston still following her. When she looked back to see who the girl was, there wasn’t anybody there. Tears streaming down her face, Belle suddenly became out of breath. Her will to fight drained from her body. She eventually made it to the buzzing yellow light and leaned against the pole. Struggling to catch air that wasn’t thick and dry with the winter, Belle took one last look in the direction of Gaston. She didn’t see anything there either. The man walking towards her was using a cane. Gold stepped into the light. He extended a gloved hand. She took it and followed him to the car parked in front of the building.

“You saved me.” She was still crying, but she waited until they were in his car to praise her hero.

“I will always be there.” 

“I don’t want to go home tonight.” She blurted with all of her confidence. Gold ran his fingers through her hair. “But my papa.”

“You’re a grown woman. If you feel safer somewhere else, I’ll take you anywhere in the world you want to go.” 

Belle looked down and picked at the hangnail. “I feel safe with you.”


	6. Dark Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> night terrors.
> 
> good friend interim chapter

When Belle French leaned against his shoulder while they were sitting on the sofa together in his large Victorian home, Carlyle Gold didn’t have the heart to move her. Especially when she pried her shoes off and pointed out how the scars on her foot matched up with the one on his ankle. He wanted to carry her up to his room and hold her until Monday. He would settle on sleeping down here on the couch and letting her have the bed, but he didn’t want her to wake in a strange place. Scaring Belle in this state was not a good idea. Speaking of which, with her perfect little self dozing lazily against him, he pulled his vibrating phone from his pocket. He sent a quick text to Jefferson to have Gaston warned. He stood and let Belle lie down to stretch out. He tossed a throw over body and kissed her nose. She smiled and snuggled the pillow. Then he called Ruby back.

“How’s she doing? Did she see Trouble tonight?”

“She did which makes her sleeping all the more surprising.” He heard an audible exhale from Ruby’s end at this.

“That’s good. I went by her house while Moe wasn’t there. He hasn’t called in her medication, so she’s missed the last six months of dosage.” His heart dropped hearing this.

“Hasn’t Hopper contacted? She’s been on that since she was six.” 

“I know. I told you that.” Ruby reminded him. “So I called and Archie was told by Belle she didn’t need it anymore.” 

“And he listened?” Even that was surprising for Dr Hopper.

“She got a note from her doctor.” Not so much for Dr Whale. “Gold if you do anything, you’ll just become Trouble to her.”

“I can’t just sit here and do nothing, Miss Lucas.”

“She’s latched onto you. For like sixteen years she has kept the exact same friends. She kept the exact same schedule. She did nothing different. Then you call her one night and she’s let you in. You are her safety net, Gold. Keep it that way.” 

“Fine. I will not harm Victor Whale.”

“For her. Do not forget that.”

Annoyed, Gold hung up the phone and walked back into the living room. She was still asleep, but now was tugging on the ends of her hair with one hand and scratching her scalp with the other. Quickly, he ran over and used all of his strength against hers to remove her hands. This forced him to grip onto her wrists in ways that he really didn’t want to, but was best for her physical and mental state. She began thrashing against his hold, groaning and grunting to fight free. When she finally woke up and looked to him, her wrists were bruised with his hold. He withdrew. His own hands were shaking at having dared hurt her. She was going to revert worse than she ever had been back into that evil place. But Belle looked at him waiting for an explanation. She then started feeling her skin and screaming about her eyes bleeding. She cried out for him to help her. Gold didn’t want to out of cowardice that he might incur her further. His movements were very slow. She ultimately lurched forward until she was accidentally draped across him. Gold hugged her tight while rocking her back and forth until she calmed down. 

When she finally did it was due to tiring herself out. Belle went limp against him and he heard the gentle snoring after sitting in his living room floor for thirty extra minutes. He kissed her temple and found this just a little bit funny. The monster in her caused her feet injuries. The monster in him caused his leg injury. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps they do match. He sent a message to Ruby to update on the situation. It took her so long to reply he thought she might had fallen asleep. When she did, it was three words he understood clearly.

_Give him hell._


	7. Dark Days

“Be- _elle_.” Gold drew out in a singsong tone while lightly poking at her nose. She scrunched her face until she woke up smiling at him being the one doing this. “I need to take you home, dearie.” 

Belle sat up and acknowledged that they were in a bedroom that wasn’t hers. She licked her dry lips and pushed her fingers through her hair. She stopped seeing the bruising on her wrists. Thinking it was all in her head again she gave him a gentle smile. “Thank you for staying with me last night.” 

Gold held her cheek. “Anytime. All you must do is whistle and I’ll be there. You know how to whistle don’t you, Belle?” 

A slow moving grin spread across her face as he quoted one of her favorites. She responded with her best equally as husky voice. “Just put your lips together and blow. You know Bogart and Bacall?”

“I know Hemingway.” As if she needed anymore reasons to fall in love with Carlyle Gold. She leaned forward and pressed a longing kiss to his cheek.

A little while later, but still very early in the morning, Belle stood looking at herself in the mirror in her own bedroom. The fingerprint marked bruising on her arms had yet to go away. This was the longest fantasy violence she’d ever encountered. Hearing the front door open and close, she quickly shed from her dress and pulled a nightgown over her head. She leapt into bed and pulled the covers up to her shoulders. Moe cracked the door open enough for the hallway light to skim across her face. She dared not move a muscle lest he figure she’d been awake. She never was before he came to get her up in the mornings. He remained there for a solid three minutes before speaking. She then got up with a fake yawn and stretched a ‘good morning, papa’ towards him. Moe stared her down with malice in his bloodshot eyes. 

Belle joined him for breakfast after getting dressed for the day. Gold said he had things to take care of, but would steal her far away for a late lunch. She already had on her mind how she could get out of eating anything at all then. It would only work if she had a large breakfast, but that wouldn’t be true. She then realized that maybe this diet plan wasn’t the greatest if she wanted to keep it from him. It was like Lacey coming into the bedroom last night somehow and attacking her. She didn’t want Gold to think she wasn’t perfect. Especially for him. She thought they maybe could have a future together once all of this was over with. Dating someone that worked in the company wasn’t the strangest or most illegal thing. Nobody would believe she slept with him for the job gain anyway. Nobody thought she had done anything ever. Gaston even asked if she enjoyed masturbating in front a group of rather handsome male ballerinas. 

“You’ve been scratching again. I thought you’d outgrown that disgusting habit. That’s why I ain’t taken you to Hopper no more.” Moe broke her train of thought. “You’re under way too much pressure.”

Not wanting to hear this again, Belle stood and went to the living room to practice. She could hear her father muttering from the kitchen while she turned the music up. “Don’t get pissy with me. You know I love and want what’s best for us.” 

Belle getting a call for a last minute morning rehearsal was the best thing in the world. She waited her turn as a row of dancers performed diagonally across the room. She watched Mulan perform her leaps and then rejoined the group with the utmost haste. Just as her turn arrived, a panicked young dancer rushed in and made a beeline for Cora. Belle did one leap and then stopped completely, sensing something happened. The dancer whispered into Cora’s ear and a look of utter shock fell on her face. The piano music tickled to a halt and Belle looked towards the other dancers for advice on what to do or any sign on what happened. They approached Cora and the dancer to find out just that while Belle, filled with a gut feeling that something terrible had happened to one of them, drew back. Rehearsal was called due to whatever reason and they were dismissed. Outside of the theater, Gold was speaking with Cora and Regina as well as Emma. They were all yelling at Jefferson, one of the male trainers. She waited patiently for them to finish and Gold see her.

Gaston walked into the street and got hit by a car. Panic rushed over her as she heard this news. Gold quietened them, but it didn’t take away. She looked around for Lacey and after not finding her, was taken back many years ago. Screaming. Blood. Burning flesh. Metal screeching metal. It all happened so fast, she was told later. She sat down on the steps of the theater and covered her hands over ears and rock slowly back and forth. Archie’s words of comfort to focus on the present and what was happening to her life now circulated her mind. It didn’t stop the screaming. It didn’t stop the putrid smell. It didn’t stop the emotional and physical pain that no child should ever have to endure. These visions were as real as Gold was. She wanted the comfort of her papa despite knowing she would never get it. He didn’t hurt like she did. He wasn’t put on medication for this. She was all alone.

Gold didn’t stop apologizing for needing to reschedule their lunch date and the next few after that. Rehearsal continued as though nothing had truly changed. August grew angrier with her not letting go. She wouldn’t kiss the man dancing as her husband and he ordered her not to be scared of him. Another time he wanted to see passion, but she couldn’t do it. So she started having practices with Cora to mimic the movements, but the ballet instructor was always left unimpressed. For awhile, at Ruby’s urging, Belle finally went to see the new physical therapist named Mary Margaret. Every joint and muscle ached, but Belle breathed through the pain. Finally, a few weeks of burning practice and no Gold later, August had enough.

“Are you interested in fucking her?” The dancer snickered. “Of course not. No one would be. Your Dark Maid is nothing different than your White Lady.” 

Belle whistled the chorus to the song.

The lights went out. August cursed, throwing his script on the ground to march out the door. “We’re still working in here!” 

“No you’re not.” Gold walked forward. Belle couldn’t tell if she was more relaxed or stressed by his untimely presence. “Get out. All of you except Miss French.” He waited until they were finally alone before taking her hand. “I’ll be the Prince.” 

Frightened and nervous and excited by his touch, she agreed. He placed one hand on her waist and started humming the score. He braced her as she did the lifts and spins. She moved away during the moment he let go of her. 

“I missed you. I’ve been waiting for that whistle.” He clutched her hand and watched her spin until she’s facing him. They’re close, right about to kiss, but she pulled away. 

“He’s not going to hurt you, you know.” Lacey commented from the corner of the room. Her arms were crossed over her chest. It had been quite a long time since she had seen her. At this moment, Belle was using her character as excuse to hide from his touch. Until, he captured her. He ran his hands down her arms. “I can smell your lust from here. Just do him, honey.” 

Belle hadn’t even felt the unfamiliar tingle between her legs until she saw Lacey moving a hand down there. Vile jealousy rang forward and became a great motivator. She looked at her Gold and let him come to her. She melted and eagerly kissed him back. He stops the most amazing thing of her life, but stays against her lips. 

“Slow down. Open your mouth.” 

Like a moth drawn to a flame, she obeyed. He had to hold her up as she went completely weak. She hums feeling his tongue slipping around and across hers in a tantalizing manner. Her back hit against the mirror, emitting only the tiniest of whimpers. Belle pulled him closer, almost desperate for this. His mildly rough fingers from years of work moved down her body, reaching between her legs. She gasped, a little scared of these feelings but knowing its right. He makes everything right. Her hair flung back as he kissed her neck. Her breathing gets deeper, moans find their way to fill the room. Then suddenly he stopped. And pulled back. He looked passed her and right at the mirror where he saw himself. An old man taking advantage of a mentally disturbed, albeit perfect in every way, young woman. He turned to walk away. Leaving her flushed and breathing hard.

“Please don’t.” Her tiny voice lassoed around him. Gold stopped in his tracks and looked over his shoulder.

“You couldn’t possibly.” It took her a moment to realize what exactly she was asking him to come back for. When she did, she nodded. He groaned and rubbed his eyes. 

“Oh. You don’t.” She acknowledged, crossing her arms and hugging herself. 

“My, sweet Belle. Of course I do.” She stepped forward now and placed his hands back on her waist. 

“Then do.” 

“Am I going to be your first?” Another nod from her. He smiled thoughtfully at her. “Then not here.”


	8. Dark Truth

Belle lied naked in front of Carlyle Gold underneath his sheets. Still chest to chest as his arms remained wrapped around her. She’d seen the little drops of blood after the broken hymen and had panicked. He’d refused to continue upon realizing she knew nothing about this. Of course she knew where babies came from and that he would be inside of her. But that was pretty much it and Gold knew he should have known better. At best Ruby had spoken about it being so amazing to her without going into so much personal detail. Belle was in the dark with a basic idea of what to do and where to go. The moment he saw her change from exhilarating sexual desire into absolute fear and worry, he stopped. He removed himself from her and pulled on his underwear to explain it was completely normal. He didn’t say it, but he would let her figure out they could try this another time. For now, he held her close as she hid in his neck. He removed the last of her bobby pins and shook her hair out to watch it fall down her back. Her shoulders shifted just slightly as she adjusted to face him.

He had done everything right, Belle believed. She knew she was the problem.

She wasn’t perfect enough.

“I love you.” The words spilled from his mouth the moment he saw her eyes. Her jaw went slack at this statement. 

“I’m not…but we didn’t-”

“If we don’t for the rest of our lives I’ll still love you.” If he was any more sincere she felt she might cry. It wasn’t since a long time ago that someone told her that. Moe did, but she didn’t trust it. She’d always trusted Gold just by the way he looked at her. It was in his kiss it was in his touch it was in his eyes it was everywhere. Gold protected her. Gold took care of her. Gold made Lacey go away. 

“I love you.” She slowly kissed his chin. “I have to leave, though.” 

Gold hugged her tighter, pushing another ounce of warmth in her heart. “Stay. I can take care of you.”

“But my papa…?” 

“Does not deserve the space you keep in your heart for him. Nor do I, but at least I know what good you should have.” 

Belle thought for a moment, going back to his shoulder. He wasn’t wrong. Moe had long since stopped caring for her as she needed to be. Moe kept her as much a child as he could, bringing her teddy bears and stuffed animals that now piled in her closet. The money from her mother’s inheritance was squandered away on alcohol and women instead of given to her for college or an apartment or anything else. Her ballet shoes were handed down, the ballerina bar was a piece from a broken headboard. Moe gave her enough money to take a taxi and come home. He’d only paid for her ballet classes after finding about the sneaking around to work with Ruby at Granny’s Diner. He was not a good man, but he was her father. He was the only person she had left of family. Until right now. So she agreed. The look on Gold’s face when she said so was not unlike hers when obtaining the lead role in August’s ballet.

That night he left to obtain her stuff and she made herself a bath after seeing the dots of red on the sheet in the floor. It still frightened her. A cleanse would help ease the nerves as well as the dull ache in her body. She plugged it and turned the knob more hot than cold. The room was steaming within seconds, thankfully, so she couldn’t see her reflection. Belle wasn’t a fan of how she looked naked which made a man like Carlyle Gold’s desire for her all the more curious. She closed her eyes while sinking into the tub and thought of that moment in the large, rehearsal space. She moved her hand between her legs and massaged her center just as she thought he had, but it wasn’t giving the same feeling of rush before. She stopped, defeated, and sunk lower in the water with her arms around her chest. She opened her eyes, the steam clouding her sight. A blurred vision of her younger self was staring at her. Belle shot up. The double was gone. She looked around the bathroom, but found she was completely alone. She ran her fingers through her hair and clumps of it come out in alarming mass. She gets out of the tub and hurried to the mirror to see if it was so noticeable. Wiping it off, she sees nothing wrong. Not until the reflection reached down for the scissors and started chopping at hair. Belle gasped, jumping back as the scissors fall into the sink.

Terrified, she dried herself off and wrapped in Gold’s housecoat realizing she had no clothes here. She left the bathroom attached to his bedroom and saw bags from various centers were sitting on the bed. She walked over and noticed it was all brand new, price-tag snipped off, clothes. Dresses, skirts, pants, everything she could ever want in exactly her style and size. A suitcase contained a little bit of her clothes, primarily what she wore to rehearsal, and also every book on her shelf. She dressed in one of the new pairs of sleeping pants and a plain t-shirt. Belle hung his housecoat back up on the door, a little too scared to go back in there. She picked up one of his shirts to cover her arms then went out. She hard sizzling downstairs and trotted downstairs. She found him shaking a pan over one of the oven burners with fantastic skill even as the eye lit fire almost up to his nose. She watched the artist work with such intent. Everywhere he moved, he did it with purpose and precision. His lips formed a smile until he glanced at his audience pale face and drenched. He turned down the oven and walked over to her. In order to get out of not eating dinner in front of him, she asks if they could just go to bed and stay. He agreed, quite easily. 

Several days of August yelling at Belle to try it again and again and again and again one right after the other of the same Dark Maid dance that she couldn’t get right except with Carlyle Gold, she finally agreed to go out with Ruby. It was at Gold’s persistence that having a girls’ night may be good for her to relax for a little while. He would wait up for her and be a whistle away if anything started happening that she didn’t like. So here she and Ruby were, sitting in a burger joint packed to the brim in the scariest parts of downtown Belle had only been the one time before. Ruby had a fight with Dorothy over something she wouldn’t disclose and needed the free time herself. She also felt she needed to be there for Belle given all of the shit that had been happening to her in rehearsals lately. 

“Burger, extra bloody.” Their waiter winked at Ruby after dropping Belle’s plate down. “Let me know if it’s not juicy enough.”

“Is that something you’re used to hearing?” Ruby fluttered her long dark eyelashes in his direction. She was used to this, especially after coming out. They watched him leave without another word.

“Guess I’m invisible.” Belle shook her head. She was used to that. Ruby frowned and took in her friends too modest attire. She then reached in her bag and pulled out a more revealing top.

“Want to spruce up? I always carry a spare in case one of those assholes ‘accidentally’ spills shit on my shirt.” Belle took it an placed the clothing next to her for contemplation. “Why are you worried about being invisible in a place like this anyway? You got your man waiting at home for you to sit on his face.”

Belle flushed and cut into her dry chicken. “I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“You _are_ tense.” 

Belle rolled her eyes until they landed on a scene at the bar. Lacey, wearing the shirt Ruby offered Belle, was flirting with two men. All three were very affectionate and touching each other (mostly Lacey than each other by accident). Belle kept her eyes on them. The bartender set a drink down in front of Lacey and the men fought to pay. She took out a cigarette case and removes a pill that makes Belle’s blood run cold. Lacey split its contents into her drink and stirred with a finger. She held out her finger to one of the men who sucked off the liquid. She looked over her shoulder and met Belle’s eyes directly before popping the entire contents of the cigarette case into her mouth. 

“Belle! Fuck, what are you doing?” Ruby ran around the table and shoved two fingers down Belle’s throat until the contents puked out into a cup. All little white pills. 

“I didn’t do that. Lacey did.” She pointed in the direction, but Lacey was gone.

“Oh, shit, honey. You’ve been staring at that mirror for like twenty minutes. I thought you were off these? Where the hell did you get them?” 

Belle shrugged, trying to figure out what just happened. “I think you should go home and be with Dorothy.” 

“No. I’m not leaving until you tell me what is going on.”

“I told you Lacey-”

“Lacey’s dead, Belle! Lacey died when you two were six! You have to stop this before you kill yourself!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel like that might had been obvious, but in case anyone is wondering about anything the next chapter will (hopefully) answer your questions. we are coming up on the end of this.


	9. Dark Beginning

Ruby: just tried to overdose, but claimed it was Lacey doing it.

There were few text messages Gold would had been more heartbroken to read. He began writing a reply until….

Ruby: I didn’t know what else to do. I told her.

His hands were shaking and tears were clouding his sight. He didn’t want to do this.

C. Gold: I can’t say I blame you. Get her to Archie’s. I’ll be there soon.

Belle was sitting on the front stoop to Dr Hopper’s Psychiatry with her arms around her thin self and rocking back and forth. Lacey was next to her muttering about how fucked up this situation was and everything had just gone terrible the moment she had arrived. She began doubting the reliability of a therapist that took word from the plagiarized note of a doctor and Moe. Granted, everyone that knew Belle knew how negligent Moe was, but that should have just seemed more suspicious. The only person at the time whose word should be trusted was Ruby’s. Ruby never lied. Ruby was always there for her even on the good and bad days. Ruby deserved much better than her, Belle thought. She and Gold and August and Mulan and Aurora and Ashley all deserved a better person. A prettier leading lady. A more talented ballerina. A more perfect human human. That didn’t make her stop Carlyle Gold when he sat down next to and put his arms around her.

A few minutes later, Archie Hopper unlocked the door to his office. Ruby and Gold were allowed in, but not into the room. Archie encouraged her with his calm and caring voice to sit down on the leather lounge chair. He offered her tea, but didn’t have to ask how she took it. This was not their first meeting. Now it wouldn’t be their last. He gave her the cup after the water was hot enough. Archie pulled his rolling chair around to face her better. Belle was leaned forward with her long, naturally curly hair flowing down from her face. She had pulled Gold’s sweater he’d brought as a security blanket over Ruby’s borrowed shirt. She tugged at a loose thread by her leg absentmindedly. She knew Archie would wait until she was ready to talk. She hadn’t seen him since cutting off her medication use. The sound of him scribbling down notes had ceased to discomfort her. A lot of times in here it was quite the opposite. Static noise would always be better than silence.

“I first started seeing her when auditions were coming around for the new ballet.” 

More notes. She figured the beginning of auditions were an important detail. She was just stressed. She hadn’t ever coped with the loss. “Did your sister still look as she did when you were younger?” 

“No. She looks just like me. We were twins, you know.”

He stopped writing to address her. He was good about that. She felt human under his eyes. “In every aspect aside from personality, I remember.” 

“Whenever my parents would argue she would be the one to tell them they needed a divorce. I don’t think she knew what it meant, but she would say whatever.”

He didn’t write anything after that. “Does she do that now?”

“She’s dead.” Now he continued. “But yes. In my vision of her, Lacey says what I want to say.” 

“It may come as a surprise that I’ve been in contact with your friends and family after our sessions stopped.” Belle shook her head. Archie kept checking on everybody. Moe thought he was just nosy. “Ruby says you have been acting like Lacey. You even projected her on the new dancer at your company.”

“I heard them say Lacey instead of Zelena. It doesn’t even sound the same.” Belle shook her head laughing at herself while he scribbled this down. “Zelena was even in love with Carlyle.”

“And you were jealous?”

“In the play, the White Lady goes insane when the Dark Maid seduces her husband. Art imitates life.”

“This might be painful, but I need you to tell me everything you know about Lacey.” 

“Lacey and I were born three minutes, forty five seconds apart. She was always the one everybody preferred. She was better at coloring, at talking to people, at everything. But she always said I was her best friend. I was the only one she ever wanted to hang out with, but she kept going to birthday parties and the park and wherever.” More writing. She blocked it out and took the tissue box. 

“She and mama were the only ones that ever liked me. So, she finally got me invited. But papa was mad and he and mama argued. I think…I think she was taking us. It was a pool party so I thought we were just taking extra clothes. She looked at us in the rear view mirror. Her eyes went wide and she said she loved us. It was a head on collision. I was sitting backseat on the left. Everything caught fire. I still smell their burning flesh. I still hear Lacey screaming. Mama died instantly, but Lacey. Lacey fought. Papa cremated mama to save funeral expenses and because of how she looked. He used funeral expenses to pay for Lacey in the hospital. I saw her once. I didn’t understand anything that was going on. She said she would always be with me, but she’s too tired right now. Can they come in please?” 

Ridden with sympathy, Archie wiped his eyes under his glasses as she took them both back to one of the worst car accidents Storybrooke, Maine had ever seen on their border. He opened the door and let Gold and Ruby come in to comfort her. Everything would stay off the record outside of the walls, still. She leaned into Gold’s shirt as she sniveled and cried. Ruby smoothed a hand against her back. 

“The visions are getting worse. She took a handful of pills tonight after seeing Lacey do it in a mirror.” Ruby explained after a moment of consoling. 

“I want to talk just about Belle’s social life for a moment. Do you enjoy social outings?” Belle shook her head, Ruby doing so as well in agreement. “Do you have many friends that you believe will be there for you after this?” Same response. “Have you ever…misinterpreted other’s motivations and behaviors and thus develop a significant distrust?” This time they all three nodded, it cutting a little closer to Gold when Belle thought he would do what Gaston had. “Do you believe in things such as mental telepathy or superstitions?”

“I live by practice making perfect?” 

“Now, about the visions. I think it’s safe to say you’ve begun to lose contact with reality.” Gold held her a bit tighter. “Can you understand they don’t happen?”

“I can, but they’re very startling.” 

“You have strong symptoms equal to that of a schizotypal. There are no medications approved by the FDA for this, but I think your former medication will help. I’m prescribing an antipsychotic, a mood stabilizer, and an anti-anxiety to help relieve symptoms and episodes of anxiety. It may also help your distorted thinking.”

“What causes this?” Gold asked, taking the list of specific medications from Hopper.

“There’s evidence to suggest trauma and maltreatment history can lead to the development of traits. Family dysfunction, neglect, possible abuse.”

“Moe French.” Gold mumbled, crinkling the piece of paper in his fist. Belle reached up and placed her hand on his to bring him back to her.

“If I take this, I won’t see Lacey anymore?”

There was a melancholy silence that followed Belle’s question. The two on her side went into an internal debate on this while Archie just shook his head. She leaned forward out of Gold’s embrace to lean on her hands and knees. This was it then. Over a decade of not being able to let Lacey go she was now forced to for her own mental health. All she had to decide was if it was worth it or not. She tried searching for what Lacey would want her to do, but the figment of her twin was nowhere right now. They were six when separated. No talk of things like this ever occurred. They were always princesses, their mother the Queen, their father the King. Their biggest argument was what to do about an ogre attack and if they got kidnapped by a monstrous prince in disguise. No wonder Belle wanted to keep her around. It was a reminder of things never to return again. It was what made Moe see her as a child. They both did what they could to keep Lacey around. Everyone always did. Anybody that knew Lacey would prefer her over Belle. Including Belle herself.

“I love you, dearie. I want to keep you around for as long as I can. Please understand why this will be good for you. Miss Lucas and I will be here for you every step of the way.” Belle sat up and looked towards Gold.

“You are not going to be alone anymore. You never were, but we are going to annoy you so much you’ll know you have us.” Ruby encouraged with a hug.

This didn’t make sense. Belle was diagnosed as being not right. Her brain wasn’t programmed correctly. She was a mismatched jigsaw puzzle that saw a different picture in the world than any other person. She had almost accidentally killed herself tonight. They should be fleeing in terror, or criticizing her like August did when she wasn’t perfect in rehearsal. But they were here. They brought her here. Gold came running when he heard something was wrong. Things were not okay with her. All of her thoughts sitting on that couch right then had been getting through this therapy session so she could get to rehearsal in the morning. She would say or do all of what she thought were ‘normal people’ answers to satisfy Dr Hopper into letting her go. Those answers had been wrong. If she had been wrong this entire time, that meant for not one moment she had been perfect. But she still had an opportunity to be. At the tiny little cost of never seeing her sister again. Though Ruby promised she would never be alone again, they couldn’t guarantee that. Belle didn’t know if she could take the chance.

Archie sent her home that night to be able to gather her thoughts and accept her new position by morning. Given the resurgence of emotion and memory of the traumatic event being in a car, they walked the short way to Gold’s home. Ruby wanted to stay over, but Belle encouraged her into going home and being with Dorothy tonight. Belle trusted Gold to take care of her (with or without the medication) to be alone with him. He called Ruby a cab so the young woman wouldn’t have to backtrack across town to her own apartment. Belle went upstairs to take off her pants and wear his boxers instead. His clothes were more open and comfortable. She drew back the blankets and sunk under them with her eyes on the door waiting for him to come back. When he finally did, he gave her a sad little smile while removing his shoes. He looked at her unsure of if this was a good idea. He seemed to contemplate this with every single step. Belle got up and crawled over to the edge of the bed where she could reach for Gold’s hands and pull him with her. 

“Take this away from me. Take it all away.” She pleaded, hands on his chest. 

“I’m right here, sweetheart.” His hands, large and skilled and perfect, wrapped around and slipped under her shirt. Everything was warm. She inched closer and wrapped a leg around his waist. 

“I want to feel good again. I'm so selfish.” 

Gold leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. A chaste little thing to try and prove she was more wanted and desired than any other thing. Until she grasped for him by his collar and leaned her entire body into him. Every terrible thing was gone when they were together like this. They pawed at each other, desire to get rid of the sadness in the world exceeding coordination. He helped her remove his shirt and she guided his hand between her legs.

“I can’t do it. I’ve tried.” 

“I’ll take care of everything. Are you sure this is what you want?” He asked while moving his fingers against her. She nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Yes. Yes, I want this.” She moaned as he touched her the way she tried. 

Gold lifted her sweater and removed it to begin kissing at her chest. Belle is still making soft little noises of pleasure as she focused completely on him and his movements. He moved half on top of her to gain more access to every inch he could get his tongue on. Her nails trail down his back and pull him closer. She nipped at his neck and he smiled to assure it was more than alright. Gold moves down Belle’s body, his mouth on any part he can suck and lick and kiss until its bruised with his mark as she begs for more. She whimpered and closed her eyes to keep her mind on him and not the fear that she may do something or taste wrong as he inches the remainder of separation down her thighs. She wasn’t one hundred percent on what he planned on doing to her, but the trust let her see where this was going. Soon he’s mimicking the way he kisses her onto her soaked cunt. Her body jolts, her chest heaving. She finally allowed him to carry her over the edge. His tongue slipped into her body just as she burst. He doesn’t care to flinch away or berate her on being gross. He licks her clean. He kisses her hipbone and moves back up to her shoulder to watch Belle come back down to him. Her deep blue need you eyes flutter open and she rolls over to face each other. 

“Sweet girl.” He praised, kissing her neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've said it before and i'll say it again: i got no beta. i try to read over the chapters before i post them but a lot of things slip through. if i see it in post i will fix it unless it's like a comma out of place. no one's been complaining about this (that i've seen) i just wanted to let you guys know while we're here.


	10. Darkest

“The Dark Maid has stolen your love. There’s only one way to end the pain.”

Belle climbed to the stairs of the set and arrived at the makeshift cliff, stopping at the edge.

She was never going to see Lacey again.

“You’re not fearful. Filled with acceptance.” 

Belle looked down. It’s a short drop, she’s completely safe. Gold is attentively watching from the left. 

“You look at the Husband, then down at your fate. Then at the audience. Jump.” 

Was she ready for this all to end?

“Go on, you’ll be fine.” 

Was she ready to completely lose Lacey?

Lacey was never there. It was a figment of her own self she projected onto a lookalike. A double didn’t mean Lacey. 

Belle jumped into a swan dive. She landed on the pads, completely fine. Applause from the other dancers. She remained there for a moment until August was ready to go again. Gold walked over with a thermal of ice water and her medication. She sat up, tired, exhausted, and not ready for this. With pain already in her chest, she took the pill and swallowed it dry. Gold kissed her cheek and went back to his mark after hearing Belle’s decision about this prescription. Required or not, they couldn’t really force her into taking them. With her acceptance of this, it made it easier.

A short while later, Belle danced the Dark Maid in front of the nearly completed scenery. A few technicians were completing last minute touch-ups, but everything was pretty much set. August watched from his post, his focus split between her and…Emma Swan. The one he let get away and possible inspiration for this story. Emma and Regina were here to watch the progress. Fueled by the completion, Belle pushed herself. Her dancing became more aggressive. She remembered Gold’s advice on what Regina thought about. She thought about him being taken away by another woman. She thought about losing him the same way she was losing her sister. She thought about losing Ruby. She thought about giving up Lacey for her own, selfish reasons. She finished the section, covered in sweat. Everyone enthusiastically applauded. Including Emma and Regina. She didn’t let any of that get to her, or how proud Carlyle Gold looked from the sidelines. She needed to hear the words from the man in charge of all of this.

“Finally, I saw the Dark Maid.” 

The next morning after a long night of celebrating by ways of oral sex and naked showering, Gold covered Belle’s eyes as they went into the costume shop. After checking each seam, pulling at the costume taut, analyzing what needs to be taken in and let out, he finally let her see it. The Dark Maid costume. A black, sexualized French maid’s outfit decked out in same color sequins to reflect and sparkle and enchant every audience member. He had been overworked the last few days between watching over her and taking care of everything else, but he made this special. While the other costumes were done with a silk lining, he did her Dark Maid and White Lady outfits with lace. Belle nearly cried, but claimed they were happy tears. She hugged him and slipped on the Dark Maid. She looked unreal. She was always seductive to him, but seeing her in character sent all blood to his groin. He knelt beside her to adjust where needed while she looked in the mirror. He watched her place a hand over her stomach and pinch the very thin excess skin. He pushed her hand away and went under her skirt where he kissed her thigh. A laugh, more genuine than most, filled the room as she pushed his head away.

“I love you.” He reminded, looking up and finishing the hemline on her. Gold took Belle’s hand and kissed it. “You’re going to do beautifully.”

“I love you.” She promised, ruffling his hair. “I’m going to go practice. Are we done here?” 

Belle faced herself in the mirror of the principal rehearsal space and took a breath. The piano player had left for the night, leaving her alone. She resumed dancing without the music, her bare feet clicking on the floor. As she moved, she noticed something strange out of the corner of her eye. The reflection was a millisecond behind her. Unnoticed to the untrained eye. She stopped and the sound of her footsteps stopped a second later. Belle stared at the mirror, panicking. Reverting. The door to the room banged shut and she was thrusted into the dark. Terrified, she hurried towards the door and pushed out into the stage where it’s equally dark. Lit only by a single bulb on a stand. She looked out at the auditorium with all the empty seats facing towards her. Overwhelmed, she backed up and heard a noise in the wings. She paced to the other side of the stage, but the wings seem empty. Quiet. Then she heard the sound of muffled banging. 

She headed towards the noise, the banging now accompanied by the giggle. The giggle that was on the other line of Gold’s phone. It’s dark but the sound is unmistakable to her. Two people having sex. She tiptoed past the sets and lighting equipment, peeking around a piece of scenery. Her heart shattered and ripped by the sight of Gold fucking Lacey further backstage. She’s wild. Belle looked away then back for confirmation. Gold has become the Husband, ravishing the Dark Maid who met Belle’s eyes and smiles ear to ear. Belle jumped back needing to be anywhere but there and knocked into a piece of the set. The two people paused at the sound and Belle tries to flee, but she knocks her head. 

And wakes up. 

She’s lying next to Gold in their bed with no clue of the day or hour, but she needs him. Belle shook his shoulder and he quickly wakes up. She fumbled explaining the situation, her words broken as her heart seeing him with another woman. His face falls to match her emotion and draws her near.

“You fainted during rehearsal. You haven’t been eating enough, dearie.”

“I can’t. If I gain anymore inches they’ll kick me out.” She had never told anyone that before. 

“Come here.” He pulled her closer so she was cuddled up against his chest. “There’s no part of you that isn’t beautiful. We’ll work on that in the morning. For now I want you to know it’s just you I want. Nobody else.” He kissed her temple, rubbed her arm. She shifted to face him better and remain leaning into him. 

“Do you think I’m crazy?”

“Not at all. You’re getting through this the best way you can. Do you feel alone?”

“A little.”

“That’s alright. I’ll sit up all night with you anyway.” 

She adjusted to be between his legs as they propped against the headboard. Belle was about to speak when she felt something. It was a soft thudding she’d not paid attention to before. Turning, she placed a hand to his chest where it was coming from.

“I can feel your heart.” She moved down a little to press her ear against it. A single thuds and a pause. She pressed two fingers against her own to feel it beat twice and then pause. 

“It’s your name. Belle. Belle. Belle.”

“Car-Lyle. Car-Lyle. Car-Lyle.” She tried out for hers. She smiled hearing it fit. He raised her chin to press his lips to hers.

The next night after rehearsal, Belle found it within herself to venture back to the hospital where Gaston was still admitted. She felt they may had some unfinished business to attend to. He had jumped out in traffic and was still in terrible shape. The last time anyone visited him they were having to reconstruct his entire face and his legs were in possible need to be amputated. His room wasn’t that hard to find. The nurses were none to thrilled about his company and warned her about his physically threatening nature. Catching her breath at the threshold, she watched Gaston’s chest slowly rise and fall. He was sleeping in the wheelchair facing the window. Belle gathered up her courage and and walked further in, trying not to wake him now. She reached into her purse and pulled out the purple plum lipstick to show she was there as well as a nice bouquet of flowers.

A hand grasped her arm. His fingerprints were a bit larger than that of Gold’s had been. She turned slightly to see Gaston staring her down. His eyes are sunken in. His face is completely reconstructed with scarring from all of the surgery. No longer the handsome, chiseled man some of the ballerinas fawned over. His legs from the knees down were removed. His arm was still in a cast and there was a brace to help him sit straight up, attached to a hold around his neck. It wouldn’t have surprised her if what she saw right now was nothing more than a miracle. Seeing all of this, he should have died. Unless someone, who was very torturous, was keeping him alive for something and hadn’t wanted him killed. They looked at each other, she with equal amounts of sympathy compared to his malevolence. His grip on her arm only tightened.

“What are you doing here?” 

Terrified, Belle couldn’t answer. She should have stayed home. Gaston followed her gaze to the two things on the table. “I’m so sorry.”

Gaston began touching the objects as though they were momentous. “I didn’t mean to make you feel this way.” Belle continued her apology.

Gaston saw the plum purple lipstick and it clicked. “You did this to me.”

“No, no. I didn’t do anything. I would never hurt you like this!”

“You came up to me wearing only this. You said you loved me. I followed you out of the theater and you pushed me into traffic.” He grabbed the lipstick and stabbed himself in the face. “You pushed me! You pushed me!”

“Gaston!” 

He’s become a bloody version of herself. He….she….continued jabbing it right into his eyes, his cheeks, his entire face wherever it could sink in. Belle ran from the room in a hurry and banged into an empty stretcher sitting in the hallway. A nurse looked concern, but didn’t stop her. She jumped into an elevator and hid in the corner. Suddenly feeling something sticky in her hand, she looked down to see the bloody lipstick tube. In a panic, she dropped it and covered her eyes. She had only wanted to apologize to Gaston after feeling responsible for what she felt responsibility for. It had happened just after she told Gold about the kiss, but she knew he wouldn’t hurt a soul. He was a kindhearted soul. She wished he was here now to help her see what was and wasn’t really happening. She begged it to stop. She prayed for this to stop. She’d been on her medication for a few days why wasn’t it working the way Dr Hopper believed it may? She’d lost Lacey and for what? For her visions to get worse, to be completely alone all over again?

Belle ran inside Gold’s house and quickly shut the door behind her. She balled up her fist to feel blood still on her hands. She started looking for Gold in the kitchen after not hearing him come greet her at the door. Before she could vomit from the Gaston’s plasma all over her hands, she washed it off in the sink and walked out of the room, but felt something not right. She backed up to the kitchen to see herself standing in the corner. Face covered in blood. She ran into the bathroom and threw up. A creaking sound from the next room over caught her attention. Tears running down her face, she couldn’t call for a name. She was scared what would answer if she did. Knowing what she could possibly see, she gathered herself to go look. If it was Gold, she needed him. Desperately. She opened the door and stepped into their room. Looking around, the pictures are moving. Blinking. Their whispering her name. Their whispering what they want to do to her. What sounded like the door banging shut, she turned around to see it open and fine. She heard footsteps coming down the hallway and ran into the bedroom to shut the door tight and lock it. 

A pain shot through her head and she screamed, reflexively placing her hand on it. She quickly feels for anything wrong. Her arms, her fingers and hands start shaking as she feels blood on her head. As if she’d gotten a serious head injury. From, say, a fall. Looking in the mirror, the whites of her eyes have turned red. The door flung open and Gold rushed in to find Belle standing there. Completely fine, but in pure turmoil. She looks at him without seeing who it is. She looks at him like he were a monster and she takes off running. Gold hobbled after her until he sees Belle fixing to jump off of the steps. He rushed forward and pulled her down from the ledge, kicking and screaming. Unable to hold her still without his cane, Belle scrambled lose. She spilled down the staircase, knocking herself out.


	11. Dawn

“It’s okay, sweet girl. I’m here. Papa’s here.” Moe eases, stroking his daughter’s hair as Belle wakes and the world comes into focus. She looked around groggy and saw her wrists shackled to her old bed. 

“You took quite a spill. I thought it best if you rest here instead of that dreary hospital Mr Gold had you in. Rest.” He continued. 

Belle almost gives in, too tired to fight him and figure out what the hell happened all at the same time. Her eyes drift to the source of the tinny music. Lacey’s open jewelry box. The ballerina’s in distortion and spinning morbidly on the base. Moe remains encouraging rest. Her gaze turns to the darkened window. It’s night. 

“What time is it.” Belle tries to sit up, but is pushed back down. “I have to go.”

“The theater knows you aren’t feeling well. I called them.” Belle pursed her lips, anger making her chest and breathing rise and fall. She noticed one of the chain links one violent jolt away from breaking.

“I want to.” 

“Lie down!” 

“Get off me!” A swift, flexible kick to his ribs sent him doubled over. Belle jerked and pulled on the chain. Before it snapped, she swore she felt something around her wrist pulling with her.

“This role is destroying you. You’re not well. You can’t handle this.”

“Can’t? You couldn’t save your wife from stopping and daughter from dying! Your entire family hated you!” 

“You fucking ungrateful-”

Belle left, slamming the door behind her. She got into a cab and ordered them to book it to the theater. She removed the wrap from around her head and popped all five of her daily medication at once. Once at the theater, she went past the row of large WHITE/DARK posters of her face plastered all over the exterior. She was on a mission to finish what she started. She reached the side of the building, flung open the stage door, and entered. She went down the bustling hallway filled with dancers and excitement for opening night. She neared the soloists’ dressing room to see a group of dancers excitedly chatting around a beaming and bright Zelena. Belle stopped right in her tracks. Zelena glanced in her direction and her happy expression quickly faded into an evil sneer. The other dancers followed the look and their smiles turned to confusion. 

Belle pushed passed, into the dressing room. She went into the wardrobe and found both of her costumes hanging. She remembered Gold’s face the first time he saw her in his handiwork. Then she vaguely remembered being in his house. He would be here soon. He always came to her rescue. For now, she didn’t need anybody. She pulled out the White Lady leotard and set it on the chair. She dressed in full White Lady outfit and a crown fit for any Queen. The makeup artist abruptly came in to get to work painting her to resemble a pure and perfect porcelain doll. This was her moment. This was what she’d been training for years to get to. Nobody was going to stand in her way. Possible head and other injuries be damned. She was going to do this. She ignored everyone telling her that Zelena had already been asked. It didn’t matter. It hadn’t been announced yet. Everything was still hers and she was going to take it and run. 

Act One went off without a hitch, as August had figured considering it was mostly White Lady back story things. Coming from a family of notoriety that lost it all in a great war. The only daughter of the family was sold in exchange for protection. The climax of Act One was the White Lady falling for him and hiring a new maid so she could be an actual wife to her new husband, then finding they slept together. Belle did everything in her power to evoke the emotion she knew well. Even if it had only been a vision, seeing Gold be with anybody else was not the easiest of things to forget. She danced for him and hoped he was watching from somewhere. Her desires were answered when she came back to get ready for the second act and found a bouquet of roses signed for her to be careful. He was still watching over her. She made a silent vow in that moment to be better for him. They could work on this together. She would quiet ballet if that’s what it took. She needed her sanity back anyway.

Backstage, Belle stretched nervously awaiting her entrance. She peeked through a small hole in the wall and watched the audience shifting in their seats. In the top left corner, up in the balcony, there he was. The music started and and he moved around in his seat talking to someone she couldn’t see. Belle drew back, took her breaths to stay calm. Regina danced for Daniel. August wrote for Emma. Belle was going to dance for Lacey. On stage, the Husband entered to begin the act. He was alone, ‘reading by the brook’. The stage manager urged her to go. Belle took a last breath and sauntered on stage as the White Lady. She, expectantly, reached for his hand but he danced away. They began the first Pas de Deux as the White Lady searches and tries for the Husband’s attentions. 

Later, Belle rushed offstage catching her breath. All around her, corps members dressed as ladies in waiting hurry on stage to begin the Pas de Quartre. She looked into the opposite wing to see August watching her. He gives a small, contented nod then disappeared behind a gaggle of dancers. During the applause, Belle caught a glimpse of the Husband backstage and sweaty, laughing and holding someone’s hand. She moved forward to get a better look and found he was flirting with Zelena. Belle tensed and the Ladies in Waiting exit. The stage manager gently nudged Belle and she had to run to get back on. She went directly into the Husband’s arms. All the Ladies were frozen in two rows on each side of the stage. Husband latched Belle into the air, hands on her waist and turned her around. From her swirling, Belle saw the rows of Ladies glaring at her. She freaked, jerking her body. The Husband falters and visibly almost drops her, but regains his hold. 

Backstage theirs accusations immediately going around that it was her fault. Alone and offstage, she broke down and began to hyperventilate.

“You alright?” Ruby asked. Belle looked up and just backed away, to freaked out and too tearful to reply. Ruby pursed her lips and went back on stage to finish Act Two. 

“What a fucking disaster!” August raged, unable to even look at her. He walked away. 

Belle ran into the interior dressing room and closed the door behind her, ready to cry. She looked up to see Zelena putting on makeup and wearing the Dark Lady costume.

“How humiliating.”

“Get out.” 

“I’m not sure you’re up to it. How about I dance the Dark Lady for you?” Zelena asked, fluttering her eyes. Belle looked into the mirror. Instead of Selena’s reflection, there’s the one that looks exactly like her. Panicked at what she might do, Belle backed up. 

“Leave me alone. Leave me alone!” 

Belle saw herself smashing Zelena into the wall length mirror. Shards fell everywhere, but Zelena flipped Belle over and punch after punch. Belle tried her best to block it out. They fight, knocking things over, bumping into walls. Belle saw Zelena in one pupil and the Double in the other. One grasped Belle’s neck, the other fighting it off. The vessels in Belle’s eyes burst. Her neck cracks, but she doesn’t fall or feel injury. She grasped a shard and drove it into the Zelena’s stomach. Belle glanced at her hand, cut by the mirror, then back at Zelena.

Who is just staring at her. Completely unharmed.

“I’ll leave you alone, okay? Fine. Whatever. Gold is difficult to bed anyway.”

That didn’t even bother Belle anymore. She was just relieved that she hadn’t brutally murdered somebody over this. Zelena gives her the costume. Belle dresses and applies the Dark Lady makeup. Dark eyeshadow and rouge, maroon lipstick. Dressed in black and wearing the makeup, she looked fierce. She felt afraid. She stared at her reflection that showed her eyes burning red. The Double begins ripping out hair by the roots, but it doesn’t scare her anymore. 

Belle bursts back onto stage as the Dark Lady. She looks powerful intense as she moved towards the Husband. Even he is surprised. She danced the next Pas de Deux with him. They finish and exit where he tries to compliment, but she walked away. Alone, she watches blood following her every step. She’s not scared anymore. She’s accepted what has happened. She’s calling for it, if that’s what helps. The second entrance cue is played and she leapt back on for the Coda. She took a brief pause, closing her eyes once more, then completely let herself go. She spun with ferocity. More blood appearing around her, hair falling out with great pain. At last, she truly embodies the insanity of the White Lady. She finished the Coda, punctuating her last spin with a sharp step that echoed through the theater. The audience looked on, too enamored to clap at first. Belle looked at the stage, painted with sweat. every things returned to normal. She glances towards the audience and they boom with applause. A standing ovation.

While sitting in the vanity getting back to normal for White Lady makeup and dress, she undresses and feels a pain in the gut of her stomach. She looks at the mirror and sees only herself. This isn’t a vision. She touched her stomach and winced a little, pulling back her hand. It’s coated with red liquid. Blood. It’s started to soak through the costume. The fabric is ripped at the center of the stain. She feels and discovered a stab wound in her own stomach. She pulled out the sharp tip of the mirror still stuck inside. Blood begins flowing. This is not a vision.. She dropped the mirror. The stage manager called White Lady in five. She sits back down at the vanity and finishes applying the rest of the White Lady makeup.

Belle danced the final solo as the White Lady. Losing blood by the second, she can’t do the steps to the best of her ability, but it’s pained. She can feel a gentle hold and she swore it’s a familiar hug like when she got sick when she was younger and Lacey wanted her to feel better. A spot of red soaked through the center of the costume. The music turned darker, Belle dancing towards the cliff. It’s time for the final leap. Her energy fading, she goes one step at a time. She sees a familiar face in the audience. Her mother. Right next to Lacey. Their both sad. In front of Belle’s costume, a dark circle started to form. Her blood completely seeping through. And she leaps into blackness. She fell into an endless void, eyes closed. She twisted around in the air so she can fall backwards. She heard the faint sound of applause. She landed slowly and comfortably on the padding. A group of ballerinas, Ruby and Dorothy and Mulan and Aurora and Ashley, surround the mattress clapping for her. 

Gold pushed through and knelt by her.

“They love you, sweetheart, but I’m taking you to the hospital immediately. Come on, baby.” But she’s too weak to move. So she pushed out a whistle. Ruby then pointed towards the abdomen.

“Is that…is that part of the costume?” 

“It was perfect. Perfect.” Belle smiled, her eyes glazing over until everything goes silent. She laid there, motionless, a smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the second to last chapter just so you know it doesn't end this terrible way (as promised).


	12. Bright Lives

The next moment Belle woke up it was in a hospital. Her abdomen ached, her head hurt, and her mouth was very dry. She had to blink a few times before everything came into focus. When she did, she felt Carlyle Gold’s hand tight on her own and could see Ruby sleeping by her side. Everything hurt far too much to move. She gingerly moved her thumb against his knuckles and tried to smile as his chair scraped against the linoleum and he went to her. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. Or eaten. Or showered. She reached up to place a hand on his cheek. He leaned into it, into her. He moved his chair up to be closer to her. She tried to speak, but it strained and hurt. 

“Don’t, don’t hurt yourself, okay? You’ve got a lot of stitches and it…” He cleared his throat to cover from the fact he was getting choked up over what happened to her. “Are you thirsty? Ruby has been putting lip balm on you to keep from getting to dry.” 

Belle nodded. He stood and found a little cup with a straw to help. She winced as she swallowed and felt the cold liquid go all the way down. She exhaled and motioned for him. He came closer, very careful of being near. “Explain?”

Gold told her about getting a call from Dr Whale that she went hysterical after seeing Gaston and thought something was wrong again. He came home to see her having an episode and how she wanted to jump off the second floor balcony in their home, then fell down the stairs when he fought to stop her. He took her back to the hospital where Moe French had gotten in contact due to being her custodial of affairs, despite Gold taking care of everything. Gold stepped out of the room to check on things at the theater and come back to find Moe legally took his daughter and left the hospital. He spent three days looking for her. Moe claimed he hadn’t seen her either. He fought with August about giving the lead to someone else for her sanity. Ruby called opening night to tell Gold she was there and adamant about doing the show. He’d missed the entire performance trying to get there. By the time he did, she was lying in a pool of her blood. He was told by Zelena that Belle had fainted after accidentally breaking a mirror all over the floor.

“Don’t remember. Anything but dance.” 

“Probably for the best.” Ruby noted, stretching. She moved her chair closer as well and stroked Belle’s hair. “You were amazing.” 

“Saw you. Balcony?” She made a vague hand motion as though pointing towards it. Gold still smiled at this and took that hand.

“My son.”

“Son?” Belle’s face lit up at this revelation.

“I didn’t know you’ve been with anyone else to warrant a son.” Ruby commented teasing enough to keep things light.

“I’m not going to go up and tell you what I do behind closed doors, Ms Lucas.” 

“I will.” Belle assured with a smile in Ruby’s direction. “Australian kisses.”

Ruby snorted, covering her mouth to stop her laugh it while Gold just looked confused. “It’s like a French kiss-” she began to explain.

“But down south.”

“Oh my god.” Gold rolled his eyes. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

The mood sobered with Belle’s features falling. She reached up to touch the almost full beard on Gold’s face with his hand still in hers as she realized something. “How long out?”

He and Ruby looked to each other for a solid moment before she answered for them with a timid, nervous pause. “About five weeks.”

Her entire world crumbled around her.

“Just relax, dearie. It’s okay.” 

Five weeks. 

“Belle, honey. Relax. It’s okay.” Ruby tried to help as the EKG suddenly went at alarming rates.

Five weeks. Was how long it took.

“Dr Whale! Somebody, help!”

Five weeks. Lacey was gone in five weeks.

“Alright, Ms French. Time to go back to sleep.” 

Five weeks. Belle had survived a fall down the stairs, a self inflicted stab wound, accidentally overdosing on medication. She looked to Carlyle Gold with pleading eyes without knowing what it was she wanted. She clung onto his hand with all of his strength as Whale tapped a drug into her veins that made her go back to sleep. Her body relaxed as it went under. She felt his lips against hers. She felt a tear splash onto her cheek and combine with her own. He shouldn’t have to go through this. He should be with someone that was normal and didn’t cost so much with hospital visits, therapy sessions, and medication. He should be with someone that gave as much as she took away. She wanted to be his, but not at this cost. He deserved a love stronger than that which could rival what she saw between Ruby and Dorothy. Not this. No one deserved this.

The next time she woke up it was only the next morning. Gold had shaved since then and was still awake waiting for her to join him. Whale came in and explained the stitches should have brought her back together and she was ready for physical therapy at the earliest moment. A nurse came in to help her sit up. They had to read her facial cues for when something was too much. She didn’t say a word to anybody or anything. She remained still when Gold kissed her cheek or Ruby tried to hug her for comfort. Every single day was the exact same. They would sit Belle up to practice the position until she could stay that way for extended periods of time. Then they would put her in a reclining position and feed her. She gained weight during this time as well to get her health back. Gold or Ruby would help her to the bathroom before Dr Hopper was called to come in. He’d sit, alone in her hospital room with her, for forty five minutes to give her time. She never spoke a word to him either. Ruby started going home at night, but Gold remained.

In the middle of the night, she heard Gold talking. He must have thought she was asleep again, so she kept quiet.

“I will not give up on you. Never. I want to take you snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef and show you Sydney Opera House. To the warm springs in Iceland. I want to take you everywhere for an entire year. The plan is to wait until we get settled in somewhere at the end of the trip, but I may not be able to wait. I may ask after you see a dolphin in the ocean or during a beautiful part at the opera. You may warm my heart more than the springs do and I won’t be able to hold it in any longer. I’m in love with you, Belle. I want to marry and be with you.” 

She didn’t know if her tears were happy or sad that he could want someone like her. She was a monster. The only thing missing was the scaly skin and bug eyes. In any case, she turned her head to look at him. Belle smiled at him. Carlyle Gold, slowly, smiled back. “I’ll say yes.”

_Eighteen months later._

Belle wrapped her arms around Carlyle Gold’s neck as her back hit the wall of their latest hotel room. After the French Polynesia, they made it a habit to christen the room immediately upon checking in. That way they could actually spend a few days (sometimes a week or more) enjoying wherever they were. They decided it with a dartboard and a map. They’d even chosen their wedding destination that way. It was in sixteen hours, but they had long since stopped in believing in distance making the heart grow fonder. He’d flown his son and Ruby and Dorothy out for the wedding just to have someone to celebrate it with. If they ever decided to come home, there was going to be a congratulations party waiting for them. For now that wasn’t even an idea they were considering. 

“Tell me what you want.”

“Mm, Australia.”

“Excellent choice.”

He fell back on the bed and she didn’t have to ask if he was okay anymore. She climbed up onto his lap and pushed his pants away. There were a few pairs he still needed to sew the button back on from where she got her hands on him in a rush like this. After their first time together like this almost a year ago exactly, it was all they ever did. He was more than happy to teach her. He was way happier to learn what she liked and what she didn’t. His favorite of which was her being on top, straddling his face. Belle wearing underwear was even a surprise now. She never wore anything around the house except for his housecoat. That was when they were expecting visitors, too. She still felt Lacey, but not really. It was a warm and welcoming presence. It was when she got the courage to say what she wanted. Not too often, but a strong emotion of love rushed over her when she did. No more violent episodes. No more night terrors. Still some bad dreams, but nothing she hadn’t learned to handle. Every single day was a battle. Which made moments like this ten times better.

Belle climaxed and moved down to cuddle against his chest. Her lips pushed against hers as much as his hips. He dared asked if she wanted to wait to come down from her high. Not since their rendezvous at Sydney Opera House had she ever wanted to wait to him. She excitedly lowered herself at his knees without leaning on them and took his erect shaft in her hands. A few teasingly drawn out strokes just to ‘make sure he was ready’. He was. Gold was always ready for whatever she threw at him. He sat up and brought her naked body flush against his own. She directed him inside of her, just as he taught, and hummed. She moved up and down against him as she felt she wanted to. She rode him harder and harder, not paying any attention to what he was doing at all. It was the best she ever looked, he thought. Her hair flung back,neck extended, chest right in center of his face. He took a nipple into his mouth and sucked while he moved a finger against her clit. She leaned forward to hold onto the headboard. He smirked, knowing she was ignoring knocking it into the wall behind them. If he had to pay for another hole in the wall, so be it. She was soaked with desire, thighs slick with sweat and her previous orgasm he’d missed cleaning up. She was screaming his name.

Just before Gold felt Belle was going to climax, in a swift motion, he flipped her onto her back. He kissed her body, massaged her breasts, and thrusted inside of her until she was crashing into him with no regard for anything else. It was making love in its entirety, but feeling like she was getting fucked was something she wouldn’t correct for the world. She begged him for this and he would have given it to her anywhere at anytime. He came inside of her when her nails dug into his waist for him to do so. Even when they used a condom he didn’t pull out until she allowed it. He kissed her open mouth and helped her come down from the high before he did. The afterglow appeared on her face almost instantly. Eyes closed, a smile on her face, and hair splayed out behind her. She bit her bottom lip and released her hold on him. Her confidence had begun to turn into dominance in the bedroom. Exhibiting control. Gaining perfection. She moved to lay on his chest.

“Skip the wedding and just do this instead. I don’t need a document.” 

“Let Ruby and Dorothy take our place?” Gold offered to play along with.

“If they want to, absolutely.” 

“We’ll still have to get up and go to it.” She groaned as he pointed this out and rolled onto her side. “Besides, we’ve delayed it for favor of bed about three times already.”

“Honeymoon before the wedding?”

“I’m sending them home for the honeymoon. Unless you let me call your father and tell him thanks for running his daughter right into my bed.”

“Pretty sure the flight attendant and several people from room service would argue the technicality of us being only together in a bed.”

“As long as you’re okay, I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy, sweetheart.” He swore this with a kiss to her hair.

“Happy as I’ve ever been.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well ladies and/or gents we are at the end. this was a roller coaster to write, but i loved it. i hope you guys found some enjoyment. 
> 
> thank you a million and one times for all the lovely comments, kudos and bookmarks. it means more to me than you guys could ever really know. i hope you guys have a wonderful night (its almost 6 pm here) and if you have any questions/comments/concerns, my tumblr is sunlitflowers and anonymous should be on for those that don't have an account here or there. thank you kindly!


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